I just had an idea: I have been writing posts, making videos and reading articles about programming of all sorts, but it never really occurred to me to just read a book on the subject. I could simply read a book on game programming, make a number of small programs, then assemble each one of these programs into a fairly good game with relatively little effort. However my life habit has always been to look for the shortcuts or the quick fix. I am the kind of person who will gladly work double shifts at work five days a week. Getting just four hours of sleep every night for months at the time is something I am used to do quite often. Because of these events, I have always assumed that this meant that I was a hard worker, but now I am realizing that it is quite the opposite. The reason why I can work harder than anyone else at my job is because the job does not require any thinking. It is all stuff that can be done with habit, and an ability to remain focused on an endless series of simple tasks. With programming there is not simple task, at least not the way I do it. I can write pages of code and just sit there for hours staring at a screen, as long as it is all stuff I already know. I like the idea of finally figuring out a difficult problem, but when I have a long series of problems with no end in sight, the feeling of accomplishment that I anticipate and crave from being able to last a sixteen or eighteen hour shift at work, or the satisfaction of completing a project the way that I want never shows up. I just lose interest, and soon revert to looking for a simpler, quicker way of getting my fix.

I have been reading this book called The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, in it it shows that our behaviors are mostly the product of small subconscious actions that are triggered in ways that we do not even notice. I need to break my habit of looking for short cuts and start setting clearly written programming goals. Before long, I need to have a working game. Before that however, I have to write down what I need to do to get there. I think that the problem is the fact that I never really try to plan anything. At my job, all the planning is done for me. I am assigned a task, I do it as best I can, then I get another on. It does not matter how long I have to work, I never need to try to figure out what to do next. At home however, when I need to get something done, my only strategy is to just sit down and try to do it, without a plan. I am accustomed to just figuring out what to do by simply knowing how to do it. But if something comes along that is too big to hold in my head, my only habit is to just push against it, sometimes for years, until I just give up in frustration. Most things are easy if you can break them down into smaller tasks, and then do those tasks one at the time, but I have never learned how to do that. I have tried to break down tasks, but I quickly give up because it is the complete opposite of how I am accustomed to doing things. That is the real power of habits, I just have to push and break my head on every problem I come across. I have been trying to learn the Finnish language for seven years now. I have spent months of my life trying to translate an entire book form Finnish to English. I have read many articles that shows grammar rules and other aspects of the language. I have forced myself to sit down and do all of those things, but I don't remember ever really trying to follow an actual course. I think I have read books on the subject, but really all I ever did was skim across the pages looking for tricks that would help me learn faster. I never really stopped to plan how I was going to approach the language. I am sure that I could have read a book for real, followed a course plan, and be at least functional in the language by now, but I never did any of this. My only habit is to work harder than anyone else, for as long as it takes. Now I need to change everything and learn to work smarter. The plan for now is to read something about programming and practice it exactly, even when all my instincts are telling me to jump ahead. This is going to be the hardest part, to not just feel as if I know enough and just jump in.